Boxed-In

'The fear : that nothing survives.The greater fear : that something does.
The night sky is vast and wide.' 

~Richard Siken, excerpt of The Language of The Birds

Boxed-In

By: Akhilesh Agarwal

Imagine this
You are under the sea, in a room hardly big enough
She says, your face is all the shades of despair
It is all you have ever known, you wish not
You wish you could swim away and away
You have known people, sure, but they leave
You don’t know if they survive the water
If they can breathe in water, you often wonder
But that is all you ever do, you wonder

You wish you could open the gates with your skinny arms
You wish you could set your eyes upon the room for finality
But you are afraid to find out what awaits beyond the gates
Is it a sea so green that your eyes will water in ecstasy
Or the corpses of all the people that were too foolish to believe

You have cut yourself so many times
Just below your neck, just above your abdomen
You can never find your gills, just lungs
Dying of boredom
You wonder if you have them in your back, if they exist
You wonder if she will cut you for you
Just right above the shoulder blades, your gills will be pink
And as she cuts, they will unfurl like a peacock’s feathers
You wonder if she will be happy to see you realize your dream
Or if she will lie to keep you with her, darling, there are no gills
Just blood and muscle beating to the rhythm much like mine
I can’t cut you anymore, I can’t hold the parts I take anywhere
I am too full darling, I am done
You wonder if you will give up then
You wonder if you will act like you believe her and stay.